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A Visit from Old Nick

'Twas the night before Black Mass, when all through the tomb

Countless demons prepared for the coming of doom.

Sacrifices were hung by their ankles with care,

Terrified of the fact Old Nick soon would be there.


The imps were all nestled snug in beds of hot coals,

While screaming visions appeared of tortured, lost souls.

Succubi and incubi in nothing at all,

Played games with each other and were having a ball.


When out on the hellscape there arose such a din,

I sprang up to see just what new Hell we were in.

Away to the windows I tore, crazed and possessed,

Blasting them to pieces as if they’d just been blessed.


The flames on the surface of the new-fallen ash,

Gave off a hellish glow like a burning heat rash.

When what to my wild and frenzied eyes did appear,

But an infernal sledge and six Princes of Fear.


With a big nasty driver so spiteful and sick,

I knew in a moment that it must be Old Nick.

More frantic than starved buzzards his toadies they came,

And he whipped them, and beat them, and called them by name:


“Now, Astaroth! now, Beelzebub! now, Abaddon!

On Asmodeus, on Belphegor and Mammon!

To the bottom-most Pit! To the deepest Abyss!

Bring me all the Sinners who’ve earned the Devil’s Kiss.”


His eyes--how they oozed! his pimples, how disgusting!

His cheeks were like cesspools, his nose fit to busting!

His big drooling mouth appeared to always be full,

And the beard on his chin was like burning steel wool.


The stump of a thumb he held tight between his jaws,

With various other bits skewered on his claws.

He had a broken face and humongous gut

That shook when he roared, along with arms, legs and butt.

He was blobby and moist, a vile, bitter Old Scratch,

And we shrieked when we saw him, and burst from the hatch.

A squint of his eye and a hot blast from his brain

Soon gave us to feel nothing but horrible pain.


He sat in his sledge, to his Princes gave a yell,

And away they all dragged him further into Hell.

We fiends heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight--

“Horrid Black Mass to all, and to all a Bad Night!”

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